The day I began this blog, I made a commitment to myself. That I would break down every wall, brick by brick, so I could crawl my way through the wreckage to that overflowing door, where all of my biggest fears have been hiding in the deepest of darkness.
Having understood my choice on this journey, I was prepared for the uncertainty of which wounds and scars would escape first. However, I had not at all considered the possibility that I would be running back to my life, for some have chased me.
After years of hibernation, my heart can now finally speak its truth loudly enough to guide me. “Release is only a part of the process. Hear them and feel them so purely they will become a distant memory of only a nightmare you had long ago.”
Today I was brought to uncontrollable tears that came on suddenly via a feeling I thought I had long forgotten. It was as sharp as a knife and quick like a bee sting.
Instead of focusing on the fear itself, I listened to why I was so sad and I felt where the pain hurt the most. I wasn’t afraid of the wound. I was afraid that without being in total control, I couldn’t trust I would make it through without any additional harm.